Tell me all your thoughts on God

'Cause I'd really like to meet her

And ask her why we're who we are

Tell me all your thoughts on God

'Cause I'm on my way to see her

So tell me am I very far,

Am I very far now?

*Counting Blue Cars by Dishwalla*

Should I Talk About God? 

When I first started my spiritual journey (which I didn't know was a spiritual journey) I would cringe every time my mentor said the word God.  

It wasn't always that way.  When I was young I had conversations with God all the time. I'd ask questions like if you're real can you move this plant.  The plant would move and I'd ask a few more times because I didn't believe the answer the first time.  

I was a Lutheran in a Catholic high school.  I attended all the masses even though it wasn't required of me.  My own Lutheran church was shared with a Catholic church.  They shared the small midwest building to make ends meet.  I had grown up with the belief that this was how religion was.  People could share the same space with differing beliefs around God.

Perfectionism is both an archetype and a trauma response.  What perfectionism is trying to accomplish is to not make any mistakes to try to control the behavior of another person.  Somewhere along the line a mistake meant a punishment from the outside world so the perfectionist learns to avoid all mistakes in areas that are perceived unsafe. Perfectionism became a trauma response.

For me, perfectionism was trying to say all the right things to not hurt another person's feelings.  Being a young sensitive and adept healer I would bend and twist and abandon myself for the sake of another.  Abandoning yourself is abandoning God.  

This is how I found myself in the office of my mentor, Beverly Anderson.  I couldn't pinpoint why I felt so empty when I had so many things to be grateful for.  I wanted her to fix me so I could get back to my life (you know...the life that wasn't working).

After the first few sessions I felt amazing and I thought this was the way life was going to be.  It was going to be all rainbows and unicorns and magic from here on out.  All I had to do was say a few prayers everyday and everything would stay this way.

Yeah.  Except that is not how a Spiritual Journey works.  In fact that is a child version of how God works.  Imagine my surprise when I still woke up feeling empty, my husband and I still had large disagreements, and money didn't show up just because I wanted it too. This, my friend, is called magical thinking.  

You see, I confused believing in magic with magical thinking.  Trust me.  It's not the same.  Magical thinking is trying to match your vibration to material things expecting a positive outcome without doing any work to get there.  Believing in magic is where you stop ruminating about a particular problem or upset, and you give it to God. 

Caroline Myss says that a demon is eating your brain when your mind is consumed by something.  In other words the demon is feeding off your distressed thoughts.  This is you being human trying to solve the problem with your brain.  Giving the problem to God means that you are going to put the problem out to God,  let it leave your head, and be open to solutions that you didn't create.

Did you know that over intellectualizing is a form of self abandonment?  It puts all your concentration on certain chosen thoughts which blocks your feelings for the present moment. Yeah.  We are complicated beings.

Back at my mentors office she gently pulls me out of my childish belief system around God, and offers me an adult option that includes magic, but not magical thinking. 


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